Dissecting the Sitcom

We did an interesting exercise today.

My children have gotten into a TV habit, especially my 11 yo daughter. They go in and out of phases, but lately TV has been her vice.

They get their school work and chores done, but then they can do as they please, for the most part. We had a 1 hour a day rule for electronics, which included games and TV. Lately, we have been pretty slack on that rule. I think we slipped over our last vacation.

Anyway, she likes to watch the Nickelodeon and Disney channel shows, even though she has seen them many times before. Of course each of the shows follow a similar pattern…everyone is doing well in the beginning, conflict arises (and hilarity ensues), and conflict is resolved.

The question in my mind is…What causes the conflict?

Is there anything my children can learn from these mostly mindless shows about how to avoid conflict in the first place?

I have been doing quite a bit of thinking and reading about the ego lately thanks to Oprah’s online workshop on The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Recommended reading.

So as these shows were playing, we stopped the shows and talked about what caused the original conflict.

We found that the conflicts were caused by the characters wanting to be right at any cost (ego), putting conditions on a gift (ego), and wanting to be the best (ego).

My son really got into the exercise, but after a while it just annoyed my daughter.

I think it was educational.

Rethinking School

We have been following a traditional school model in our homeschool for the last 7 years.

We have diligently been doing our workbooks and text book work…grammar, math, history, science, etc.

But I have come to the realization that I cannot make them learn. They, especially my son, sit through hours of my droning on and on about various subjects. My daughter retains much more than my son. When we get to the “Questions” section, she usually has the answers ready. Actually, she comes up with answers better than I, and I was the one reading out-loud!

But I am not sure what her retention is. I know my son’s retention is dependent on his level of interest.

All of this “schooling” takes time. And what is the end result? They may do well on some test in the future, but does this really prepare them for life on their own? Is there a better use of their time?

They are asking the same questions I asked when I went to school…”Why do I need to know this?”

At first it seems like a very defiant type question, especially when there is whining involved. But there is a validity to the question. Why do we need to know the capital of Montana when we know how to find it on a map? When is the last time you needed to find a direct object? When are we going to need to know how to find the area under a curve?

There are certain skills and bits of knowledge that I want them to have. But they don’t follow the typical scope and sequence.

This is all percolating right now. But I think our “school” will look different next year.

No Child Left Behind???

Oh my goodness!

I heard a story on the radio about No Child Left Behind, and I got so upset!

There are many reasons No Child Left Behind (NCLB) upsets me. You have probably heard of many of the “unexpected results” of NCLB such as “teaching to the test” where teachers spend a great deal of time teaching what they know will be on the test to the exclusion of other subjects or not covering all of the coursework one year so that they can show a huge improvement the next year.

But the thing that really got me upset with this report was the assumption that every child in the country should be taught the same thing at the same age.

Now, I know that is the basis of the school system…everyone in 4th grade memorizes multiplication tables; everyone in 3rd grade learns cursive writing. But something in the report just really struck a cord with me and made me realize how unrealistic the premise is.

For those of you who are parents, especially of multiple children, let’s take walking for example. Children learn to walk around a year old. Some learn earlier. Some learn later. During our play-date days, we would compare notes. One of the kids learned to walk at 7 months and one didn’t walk until 18 months.

All of this is considered normal. One thing that we all agreed on is that you cannot make a child learn to walk. He or she has to want to walk. I know, especially with first-born children, we tend to hold their hands and try to walk them around. But if they are not ready, willing, and able, it is a futile effort.

It was so funny to watch my sister try to teach her baby to crawl. She would show him, get him in position, and even try to give him a little nudge in the right direction. He would just plop back down. But, of course, when he was ready he was all over the place.

The same thing goes for potty training. How many parents tear their hair out trying every tactic in the book to get their children to use the toilet? Is it the final tactic that worked or that the child was finally ready?

Of course, with potty training there is more of a timetable involved, since they cannot go into certain classes if they are not potty trained. This puts even more pressure on. And how do you feel if you make a mistake and someone is in your face rubbing it in, making you feel bad about it? I think the more pressure there is, the later it will actually happen…performance anxiety.

Then around the magical age of 5 we assume that all children are now going to be ready, willing, and able to learn everything at the same time.  Seems kind of silly doesn’t it?

While I was doing my research on homeschooling, I found that some children learned to read at 3 and others not until 12. And when the 12 year old learned to read, he (typically a he) jumped to grade level reading very quickly.

What would happen to that boy in school? Put in special classes? Given extra help/pressure? Labeled in some way?

There was nothing “wrong” with him. He just wasn’t ready. And when he was ready, he took off!

I believe it is the same with every subject. If the child is not ready, willing, and able to learn, there is not much you can do. Teachers cannot stuff the knowledge in the students’ heads, though there are many times they probably wish they could. They can introduce the material, but the student has to make it stick. Learning is an active process.

I find that with our history at home. We spent the last year studying American History. At the end of the year, I went through the presidents asking my children if they had heard of them or not. My son said he had never heard of Lyndon Johnson even though we had spent two days covering him less than a month before! I just can’t shove it in there.

I think the whole premise of our education system needs to be questioned. What do children need to know and when do they need to know it? It is a much deeper question than a scope and sequence can cover. The answers are going to vary based on the child.

Can the school system accommodate that? What would that look like?

Let it Snow!

It’s snowing! Living in the South, this is quite an event. We usually only get one or two snowfalls a year, so two “snow events” in a week is pretty amazing. Earlier I had classical music going while looking out at the snowfall. It was a very tranquil moment.

While the accumulation is beautiful, there is something else that I really enjoy about the snow…

Here in the South, when it snows, everything gets cancelled! It is awesome! No soccer games, no martial arts classes, no parties, no church events! We get to stay home. 

As I look out the window, I can see dads playing with their small children. Kids are playing outside, building snowmen and having snowball fights. The neighbor’s kids are over here playing with mine.

We are usually too busy for all of these things.  We have too many events to go to, too many places to be, too many practices for too many games.

And of all of the things that were cancelled today, how many were really all that important to begin with?  I think you know the answer…probably not too many. Time to simplify and cull the wheat from the chaff. Days like today remind me how much chaff I have in my life.

Let’s hear it for the snow!

What is Education?

Being the new year, I have been writing down short term and long term goals. One of my long term goals is to raise educated, responsible, spiritual children. Then I was challenged to get more specific.  What does each of those mean? How can I tell when I get there? Here is what I came up with…

Responsible – They are able to take care of themselves physically and financially. They are able to think through to the outcome in order to choose a course of action and then take full responsibility for that course of action.

Spiritual – They are in constant communication with God and make choices based on Divine guidance.

Educated – …

As you can see, I left educated for last because this one left me a little stumped.

What does it mean to be educated?

When I went to school, we learned a bunch of facts and read certain list books. Is that what it means to be educated?

I want more than that for my children. I want them to be able to form their own opinions. I want them to be able to write and speak eloquently about those opinions. I want them to be able to make sound financial and business decisions. I want them to know how to resolve conflicts and live in harmony with their families and neighbors. And there is so much more.

Shouldn’t all of that be part of their education?

So many times we focus only on the “book learning” part of home schooling. “Which spelling, math, or grammar program are you using?”etc.  But to send well-rounded young adults into the world, I think it is more important to be able to know how to invest money than to know how many protons are in the nucleus of a Beryllium atom (4).

What do you think is important to learn before leaving home?

Our Homeschooling Schedule

Here is our daily schedule:

• 8:00 am  Chores completed
• 8:30 am  Breakfast
• 9:00 am  School Work
• 1:00 pm  Lunch
• 1:30 pm  Free Time
• 5:00 pm  Afternoon chores completed
• 6:30 pm  Dinner
• 7:00 pm  Evening chores completed
• 9:00 pm  Bedtime

Here is what happened today:

• 8:00 am  Both children still in bed.
• 8:30 am  On child up. The other still in bed.
• 9:00 am  Both children up. One eating breakfast. No chores done. Trying to get in the school work we do together so I can get to my dentist appointment by 10:45.
• 1:00 pm  Get a call from the children saying they are having lunch without me. I have gone to the grocery store and run a few other errands after spending over an hour at the dentist.
• 1:30 pm  Still running errands. One child calls repeatedly for school work help. Other child calls hubby to try to get router security codes to hook up the Wii to the internet (which she is not supposed to do).
• 5:00 pm  Racing to martial arts class. Got home around 3:30; unloaded groceries; helped children with schoolwork. Some, but not all of the morning chores are completed.
• 6:30 pm  Fast food dinner.  Hubby has a meeting and so will not be home for dinner. Pick up something on the way home.
• 7:00 pm  School completed. Chores still not completed.
• 9:00 pm  I have a class that starts now. Hubby still not back from his meeting. Children will go to bed around 10:30.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow!

Overcoming Shyness?

Homeschooling is different from what I envisioned when my daughter was a preschooler and I was making the agonizing choice of whether to put her in preschool or keep her at home.

She was in a Mother’s Morning Out program when she was 2.  I had just had my son and thought that if she was in MMO a few days a week, it would give her good “socialization time” and give me some alone time with my baby.  Of course, it didn’t work out that way.

I was hoping the MMO program would help bring my daughter out of her shell.  She would have been considered shy if we had been looking for labels.  She kind of takes after me in my younger years in that respect, so I felt that I understood what she was going through. But I didn’t know how to help her feel more comfortable around people.  Getting her around other kids seemed go along with conventional wisdom.

But instead of becoming more outgoing, she was becoming more introverted.  Even when I picked her up, I would ask her what happened in class and maybe I got “I’ll tell Daddy.” – which she never did. I think instead of helping her rise to meet some sort of social challenge, the whole situation was just overwhelming to her.

As for my baby boy…he would sleep in the back of the car while I ran errands. So much for one-on-one time.

Needless to say, I didn’t put her in preschool. She has been home with me ever since – and at church and Girl Scouts and YMCA Adventure Guides and martial arts and swim team and enrichment classes and, and, and.

Now, at 11, she is very outgoing with kids her own age and younger.  When we go camping, it is very likely that she will come back to the campsite with at least one new friend.

She is still warming up to adults.

I guess I’ll go into my expectations of homeschooling in another post.

Starting Back with School

Momentum is a wonderful thing when it comes to school work.  When we have momentum, the work gets done quickly and easily. Sometimes the kids even try to get up early and do all of their work before I get up. It is awesome!

But when you lose the momentum…those can be long days.

 We have been homeschooling for over 6 years now, but I still have not found a good way to transition from break back to doing school work again. We are like that train slowly moving out of the station.

We’ve tried starting back gradually, with just a few main subjects, and we’ve tried starting back with the full load. Either way, it is a slow moving train.

We actually do what we call “mini-school” over the summer so that we don’t atrophy all together.  Our “mini-school” includes things like simple math problems to keep the multiplication tables sharp and special stuff that would be overlooked during the school year like typing or handwriting. That has worked pretty well for us.

I think I will try something like that over shorter breaks too. I think it is about keeping the rhythm of the day…sticking to the routine.

Any ideas?

How Many Books Do I Need?

I love books.  Granted, I don’t actually read as many of them as I would like.  But I love them none the less.

Actually, I think it is the possibilities that books hold that I love.  They represent what I can know, the experiences I can have, or who I can become.  If I could only get through them!

I get about 1/3 of the way through most books and lose interest.  Put them down to be discovered later under piles of other books I have not finished.  If there are exercises to be done at the end of each chapter, I probably left off at the end of chapter 1…maybe 2, because I didn’t have the notebook and pen handy.

I want the knowledge the books hold, but being a fairly slow reader, I am not patient enough to search through the pages for the nuggets.

Most of my reading lately has been about creating a better life spiritually and monetarily.  And I am not finding much new information that is worth the search. 

How many seminars, lectures, workshops, books, articles, etc. do I need to go through before I hear that one statement, law, or question that puts it all into place and makes it all easy? I think the answer approaches infinity.  I don’t think there is that one statement that will put it all into place for me and make it easy.

What is occurring to me is that I probably have all the knowledge I need to live the life I want to live, but I am not applying what I know.  That is the kicker.

I understand the principles, but I am not applying them.

Where do I start?

Getting Rid of the Stuff!

We usually take our Christmas decorations down on New Year’s Day. I always feel a sense of great accomplishment when we are not the last house with Christmas lights still up.

But this year we were at my grandfather’s funeral on New Year’s Eve, so we were not around to get our traditional packing up done.  So now we are into January, and I can see the angel and tree outside shining brightly. The festive decorations that brought such joy over the holidays now feel like a bunch of clutter.

And it is not just the Christmas decorations. I am feeling clutter all around. It is time to get rid of stuff!

I think that I am going to have to kick into gear with the Fly Lady. I have followed the FlyLady program in the past and really liked it.  You can find it at www.flylady.com.

She has you declutter, clean, or straighten up in 15 minute segments.  You can do anything for 15 minutes, right? You also have 15 minutes to spare somewhere in the day.

There is a weekly general cleaning that she spells out, but she has recommended areas that you concentrate on each week. By the end of the month, you have covered the whole house.  And if you did 15 minutes a day, you have actually spent 7.5 hours getting the house cleaned and straightened up.  Of course, once I get going, it is hard to stop at 15 minutes.  But it is nice to know that I can.

There is more stuff on the site now then when I followed the program a few years ago.  The site itself looks a bit cluttered to me. She also has many associated product for sale. But the general program is free. Just look at Beginner Basics and FLYing Lessons in the left column. 

Off to tackle the spice drawer…for 15 minutes!